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A NEW SPORT?:
First
man: My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.
Second man: Well, that's nice. It shows that she has your
interests at heart. Did she make any suggestions?
First man: As a matter of fact, she did. By the way, how do you
play this Russian Roulette? |
A PROBLEM FOR IRON MIKE
:One
night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit depressed so he
decided to get a prostitute to cheer him up. After the act, they
were laying in bed having a smoke. The prostitute said, "Well
Mike, how's it all going?"
"How's it all going?" he asked. "My life's a disaster. I was born
to an under-privileged family, had a hard up-bringing, was thrown
in jail for rape, now I'm on parole and I've hit a cop, my wife
left me for beating her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids,
I've lost two world title fights, I've disgraced myself and my
sport, most people want me banned me for life and they won't pay
me my money. Nothing could make my life any worse."
"Oh, that's so sad," the prostitute said. "I'll say one thing to
cheer you up. You're a much better lover than Magic Johnson!"
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THREE BASKET BALL FANS:
Three
baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a
dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they
call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place
them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private
parts until the cops arrive.
The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast,
the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the
third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.
The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the
fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found
her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to
examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly
replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly
replaced it.
However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for
what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap
drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted
the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.
As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and
stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the
woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen
anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap." |
AN OLD HOCKEY INJURY:
Andy
came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his
co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy
replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up
once in a while."
Josh said, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy responded, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100
on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the
television." |
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